Linus van Pelt is wrapped up snug and warm in his Security Blanket Statement.

There are very few things in life that piss me off to the extreme. Two things that are close to the top of that pyramid are… People who don’t use select-a-size paper towels and blanket statements.

If your statement starts with “All _____ are/do/think _____” and can not be backed by fact. It’s already incorrect.

All black people breathe oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. True

All black people are lazy criminals. Untrue, no matter how much you want to believe it. Biden’s pick for SecDef proves that.

All immigrants are here to take jobs from hardworking Americans. False

All immigrants are here because where they are from is worse than living in poverty in America. True

This is the part when Blanketeers start qualifying their statements. Make exceptions for “the good ones”. No matter how its worded, it usually means the same thing. “We only accept you because we have to. And you’re useful. Or entertaining.”

Keep the blankets in the closet. Or on the bed. Or if you live in West Baltimore, on the walls and in the arches of your drafty row house. But keep them away from your statements and thoughts. That’s not what they are for.