We need to rethink the role of The Government and how it services it’s customers. Yes, that’s right! We the People are The Government’s bosses and customers! I think of its role like it’s a high priced caterer.
Let’s say I am having an event. A family reunion with folks coming in from far and wide. (obviously this a fantasy because circumstances prevent such a large gathering at this moment in time.) We have The Jenkins Family flowing into Naptown from the four corners of the Universe. We need food and this Chef no longer caters his own events. Or let’s his friends do it either. Not because they would fuck it up but I want them to have an awesome day off.
So I’m going hire my old job to cater it. Same as my wedding. They do the best events. The Chef there is amazing, no way I could do what he does. And that’s why I no longer work there. We all have our skill set. Unfortunately large scale catering was not in mine.
We sit down with The Chef and decide on the menu. It’s going to be a glorious selection of steamed blue crabs Because it’s Maryland, Muther fkker. It’s what we do! Barrels of Old Bay, malt vinegar and a bushel of fresh corn steamed with the crabs.
Pit beef, pulled pork, pulled chicken, BBQ half chickens, ribeyes, hot dogs and sausages, green beans, baked beans, jelly beans and a schmorgasboard of sides and desserts made by the family. And ALCOHOL! Full bar, beer tubs, scantily clad attractive persons to work the tubs, shot persons, an ice luge and the crowning glory of the event. A fully functional spike smoothie truck! With non-alcoholic options for the under 21 crowd. The best backyard style family reunion I could imagine! (in such short notice while writing this.) The Chef has got his marching orders and a mandate from We the Family and gets to work promising amazing things.
Got food! Now we need entertainment! We need a band and a DJ. We meet up with a local booking agent and get both! For a decent price as well. The band is a local party band, very versatile and a bunch of fun people. The DJ is awesome good party music, wide variety of genres and has been instructed no more than 1 modern country or modern hip hop per hour. Not 1 each, only 1 of either of them.
After that we rented tables and chairs. Tents and some blow up games, a moonbounce and waterside for the kids. Enough for 250 people. What can I say? The Jenkins Family rolls deep. That and I did invite a few non-family guests. Gave the rental company the address of the venue paid them and moved on to the next items.
We decided on a couple of clowns with balloon skills, a magician and a nice lady who walks around singing and playing guitar to keep the kids entertained. P
It’s before sunrise on the day of the reunion. The rental company shows up to set up. Only the venue manager is there. They set up the tables, chairs, tents and the rest, then head to the next job.
Later in the morning the band and DJ show up and get set up. The kid’s entertainers make their appearance just I get there with the rest of The Family trickling in behind me.
The first thing I notice is there is nowhere near enough tables for everyone. There is only 2 tents and one of them is more like if a teepee and a wigwam had a deformed baby. Wtf? I get the rental company on the phone and ask for an explanation. The manager tells me they “only had so many tables to go around today. They had to ration them. ” And the lack of proper tents? “We felt they were a better choice because the teepee/wigwam thing was hand made by Native Americans. And there was only so many tents and we decided that other customers needed them more than you did”
My head spinning, I tell the man I’ll be by on Monday to address this heap of bullshit. I have a reunion to enjoy! By now I really need a drink. I only drink on special occasions and today meets that requirement!
As I step up to the bar I see a Mariachi band strolling by. Now I love me a good mariachi band. But why is one at my reunion? It’s supposed to be a fox lady with a guitar and a flute. More fuck ups. I go looking for the rest of the performers. Not feeling positive at all about this I run smack dab into some guy in white robes and a pointed hat. He goes flying into a mud puddle. I pick myself up and ask the guy what the fuck the deal is. He stammers “my talent agency said you needed a wizard with long robes. I could only find white ones.”
I asked for a magician not a wizard in white. “go the fuck home. We don’t want you here.” As he gets the fuck out of dodge I hear the DJ start up. Hell yeah, let’s get this party started.
“What’s up Jenkins Family and Friends! Let’s get this party started!” Then starts playing WAP. Wtf? Definitely not on my playlist.
We the F%#n' People 